


All Your Quick Remarks

by bittersweetrecovery



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Jealous Lydia, Mentions of Major Character Death, Mostly Fluff, Multi, Stydia, post 3b
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-02-03 19:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1755209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittersweetrecovery/pseuds/bittersweetrecovery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia Martin is not used to being this out of control and jealousy is not in her nature - she doesn't get jealous. Well, she didn't until Stiles Stilinski started dating Malia making Lydia realize that the once solely friendly feelings she had towards the mole-covered, amber-eyed, sarcastic boy has turned into something more. Lydia is in love with Stiles but Malia is her friend and all she wants is for him to be happy even if it's not with her. But damn, she wishes it was her in Malia's shoes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feelings Got Lost In My Lungs

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chapter fic since I stopped writing fanfiction two years ago so I might be a bit rusty. Please bear with me as I dive back into the business of writing about characters that I haven't made up myself. Thank you. Hope you enjoy this! :-)

Lydia tied her strawberry blonde hair into a high ponytail, grabbed her purse and keys and headed out the front door. Stiles’ jeep was parked in her driveway with him behind the wheel, a goofy grin attached to his ridiculously handsome face. She locked the front door and headed for the passenger seat of the blue, very beat up, jeep that Stiles was still driving despite several attacks from multiple supernatural creatures.

“Good morning,” he said as she closed the door.

“Morning,” she said and smiled at him. He put the car into reverse and backed out of her driveway. As they headed towards Beacon Hills High School, she looked at him as subtly as she possible could. He’d changed quite a lot over the last year. Last summer he had grown his hair out which was now slightly untamed and pointing in different directions, he had filled out a little more after taking Lacrosse practice more seriously and unfortunately, Lydia was not the only one who had noticed and liked the change.

Stiles rambled on about Malia Tate. Malia was a werecoyote that Scott and Stiles had helped turn back to human; she was now a part of Scott’s pack. While Malia had resented Stiles at first, she had found that she was attracted to him and apparently the attraction was mutual.

Even though Lydia and Stiles hadn’t been actual friends for that long – she hadn’t even noticed his existence until she’d been thrown into the supernatural world she didn’t even know existed – she had still come to be very fond of him. The jealousy set in as soon as Stiles told her about what happened in Eichen House and that’s when she realized the feelings she had for him weren’t just friendly, she was jealous of a girl she had never even spoken to. Worst part about the entire situation was that Lydia couldn’t even hate Malia because it turned out she wasn’t as bad as Lydia had first anticipated, the girl was nice.

“Are you even listening to me?” Lydia looked over at Stiles whose brows were furrowed together.

“Sorry,” she breathed. “What were you saying?”

“I was just asking if you knew that Danny knows about the whole supernatural thing. Like he knows that Scott, Isaac and the twins are werewolves, that you’re a banshee and that Allison is…” he paused, swallowed, “ _was_ a hunter.” The knot in Lydia’s stomach tightened, it had only been a few weeks since she’d lost her best friend and her memory still lingered leaving Lydia with endless insomnia nights. She hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks but covered the dark circles under her eyes with makeup.

“I had an idea that he knew,” she replied. Stiles pulled up in his usual spot in the school parking lot. They grabbed their bags and stepped out of the jeep. Malia approached them with a broad smile on her face that seemed way too bright for a chilly morning like this.

“Hey guys,” she said and gave Stiles a kiss right on the lips. Lydia had to look away.

“I’ll see you inside.” She walked up the steps a little faster than necessary but she just couldn’t stand to look at the guy she was in love with and one of her friends kiss. No, she was not sticking around for that. Lydia ran into Scott once inside the school.

“Where’s Stiles?” He asked.

“He’s outside with Malia.” Ever since Allison passed away Stiles had insisted on picking Lydia up in the morning and while it had been kind of awkward in the beginning (especially because feelings), she had come to like seeing his stupid ass face every morning but the rants about Malia and how good they were doing had put a slight damper on the giddiness.

“What’s going on?” Scott looked at her with those deep brown eyes that were filled with concern and an underlying sadness that had been there since he lost his first love.

“What?”

“What’s going on? Your heart is beating fast.”

“Keep your ears to yourself, Wolfboy.” Lydia was not in mood to discuss anything relating Stiles and she was definitely not ready for Scott to find out about her schoolgirl crush on his best friend who she had actively ignored for the better part of ten years. But damn, just thinking about those amber eyes and mole-spotted face made her heart flutter. She silently cursed Stiles for being him.

“You have been spending too much time with Stiles,” Scott concluded as they stopped by her locker. “You’re starting to sound like him.” _Not now heart, dammit, not within super hearing range_ , Lydia thought to herself as her heart once again picked up a little at the sound of Stiles’ name. Since when had she become this pathetic? Then Scott’s jaw dropped as if he’d figured out a very hard math problem, he looked like he wanted to jump around chasing his own tale, like a puppy.

“You’re into him.” Lydia snapped her head in his direction.

“What are you talking about?” The werewolf grinned.

“Stiles. You like him.” Lydia slammed her locker shut and started walking away but Scott caught up immediately. Having short legs and wearing heels weren’t making her particularly fast. Scott opened his mouth to say the words once again but Lydia beat him too it.

“Fine. I like him. Can we just drop it?” Scott laughed, clapped his hands once and danced around himself before he caught up with Lydia again.

“You do know he’s been waiting for this moment for well over ten years.”

“I’m aware of that, thank you.” She internally slapped herself for using one of Stiles’ preferred expressions.

“He’s going to be so excited about this.” Lydia pressed her hand to Scott’s chest and pushed him against the lockers, he could easily break free, as he was a lot stronger than she was but he didn’t – he looked terrified.

“If you tell him about this, I will kill you. Are we clear? I am smart enough to kill you and not leave a shred of evidence behind. Okay, Wolfboy?”

“Okay,” he agreed holding his hands up telling her that he surrendered. Lydia removed her hand from his chest and allowed him to breathe properly.

“Why don’t you want him to know?” Scott asked carefully as they walked alongside each other towards their shared English class. Lydia took a deep breath and considered lying but in the end she decided it wasn’t worth it and besides, she trusted Scott enough to tell him the truth.

“Because he’s with Malia.” Scott looked at Lydia as if she was some sort of foreign creature (which she kind of was because of the whole banshee deal).

“Since when has that ever stopped you?” Scott was smiling that goofy grin of his and it was making it very hard to her to be angry with him.

“Contrary to popular belief I actually have a heart, and stealing people’s boyfriends is not an actual indicator that someone has a heart. Besides Malia is my friend and Stiles is…” she trailed off. “Whatever it is that we are.” It was rare that Lydia didn’t know where she stood with someone but ever since Stiles had become a part of her every day life, she had no idea what they were. Were they friends? She guessed so but it didn’t feel right. She had a crush on him (actually, she was in love with him but no way she was going to admit that to anyone. Not even Allison if she were still here, okay, maybe just to Allison), but Lydia didn’t know if Stiles still had some lingering feelings for her or if they had completely seized to exist once he fell in love with Malia. All this not knowing, being so unsure was uncomfortable and a foreign concept altogether – Lydia always knew.

Lydia and Scott found a seat in the classroom towards the back, Kira came in right after and took a seat in front of Lydia. She waved a small hello to the both of them and started getting her stuff out from her bag. Stiles and Malia stumbled into the room at the very last minutes, all smiles and gazing into each other’s eyes, Lydia wanted to vomit.

“Relax Lydia,” Scott mumbled. “I smell jealously from a mile away, remember.” She shot him a look that told him not to speak so loud about it; she would like him to keep it to himself. Class began and while their teacher rambled on and on about the symbolism in To Kill A Mockingbird, Lydia had trouble concentrating because all she could focus on was the view of Stiles and Malia’s intertwined fingers for the duration of the class – time ticked by too slow.

\----------

“Where’s Stiles and Scott?” Lydia asked Malia as they sat down at one of the tables in the cafeteria with their lunch, Kira joined them minutes later.

“Going over points for the pack meeting tonight, I think,” Malia answered.

“We’re a part of the pack, why don’t they just discuss it here?”

“They wanted to find Danny and ask him if he wanted to tag along, see what it was all about. He did figure it out after all,” Kira chipped in. Why hadn’t Stiles or at least Scott, mentioned this to her. She was starting to feel like the third wheel at school. Scott and Kira were officially together, then there were Stiles and Malia of course but Lydia didn’t want to think about that.

“Does Peter make any of you uncomfortable?” Kira asked. A lump formed in Lydia’s throat, no one had told Kira and Malia about the incident on the night of the Winter Formal, Lydia had wanted to but she’d never talked about it with anyone besides Stiles.

“Super uncomfortable,” Malia answered. “I don’t trust him.”

“You shouldn’t,” Lydia said. They both looked at her, she sighed and decided that now was as good time as any to tell them about that night. They listened carefully as she told the bits and pieces she did remember and the blanks Stiles had filled in when she’d finally asked him about the night and if he knew how it happened – she was mortified to find out that Peter had used her to make Stiles help him.

“But isn’t it difficult to be in the same room as him?” Lydia nodded.

“It is. I refused to go to pack meetings to begin with but eventually Scott made Peter promise not to do anything to me or make any comments about that night. The bite triggered my banshee abilities.” Not that she felt in debt to Peter in any way, if she could reverse time and not be a banshee, she would. She really would.

“We should go,” said Lydia to avoid further questions. “Classes are beginning.”


	2. The Pack Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pack gathers for their weekly meeting. Danny tags along and Peter makes everyone uncomfortable. There is also bickering and shooting down questionable theories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the response on the first chapter! It means a lot to me. If you want sneak peaks, snippets and just general information about All Your Quick Remarks, I have a tumblr which uses the url stydiaokaybye - you can follow me there if you want. Anyway, enjoy this chapter. I quite like it myself :-)

Pack meetings were on Wednesday nights at 7 pm. They took place at Derek’s loft and just like Stiles picked her up every morning before school, he also picked her on the way to pack meetings. However since Malia had come into the picture, Lydia had started riding in the back of the jeep because Malia was in the front seat. Initially it hadn’t bothered her but she came to miss that it was just she and Stiles in the car, discussing everything and nothing. They spoke their mind (mostly), talked about the new supernatural threat in town trying to kill all of them – though the Oni killing Allison and the Nogitsune possessing Stiles had put the lid on that topic – they discussed homework, and how much they missed Allison. Stiles still felt guilty, still felt like it was his fault Allison and Aiden were gone, his fault that Ethan and Isaac left and that most of Scott’s werewolf pack had disappeared. They talked about it sometimes in the mornings but it wasn’t as often anymore, Lydia felt like she was losing Stiles even though he still picked her up every morning and for pack meetings. Maybe they just needed a new threat to make things go back to normal between them except nothing was normal between them, at all. It never had been it seemed. She hated herself for wanting a new threat in town trying to kill them but she just wanted her Stiles back and oh my god, she was starting to sound like a little possessive kid who wouldn’t let go of her Barbie doll.

Stiles, Malia and Lydia were the first ones to arrive at the loft. Derek greeted them with a small nod and Peter smiled brightly and called them young friends. For the second time that day, Lydia wanted to throw up. She sat down on the dingy couch that stood around the small coffee table that was usually covered in snack during pack meetings but it wasn’t now and that might be why Scott and Kira were running late. Lydia didn’t know if Danny would be coming, she hadn’t gotten the chance to ask Scott or Stiles about it because both of the boys had lacrosse practice after school and Lydia hadn’t wanted to stick around today – she caught a ride home with Kira.

Small talk was spread throughout the room between Stiles, Derek and Malia. Lydia remained on the couch watching Peter carefully and Peter, well, he was looking at his daughter. No one had dared to tell Malia that Peter was indeed her real father, they had all agreed that they wanted to prepare her for the possibility that Peter might get into her head and make her turn against them – right now Lydia regretted that she had ever opened her mouth and told Malia about the Winter Formal and how Peter had attacked her. Though a small part of her cheered at the flicker of jealousy that appeared in Malia’s eyes when she mentioned that Stiles had been her date and that he had been the one to convince Peter not to kill her.

“He is brave, isn’t he?” Malia had said with dreamy eyes, Lydia had shrugged but actually agreed. Stiles was braver than he gave himself credit for. For Christ sake, he went up against werewolves and serial killers with a baseball bat, which was not only foolish but also incredibly dangerous but he did it because he didn’t have anything else to fight with and he wanted to help out. He was brave indeed.

Scott and Kira finally arrived with snacks in their arms with Danny walking slowly behind them. They put the snacks down on the coffee table both Kira and Scott greeting her. Danny looked around the loft with recognition his eyes. Derek looked from the Danny to Scott, then from Scott to Danny familiarity in his eyes. Stiles had told her about the cousin Miguel incident a couple of weeks back – she had spent a good ten minutes laughing about it.

“Who is this guy?” Derek said with a rather grumpy look on his face, Lydia smiled to herself at the cousin Miguel story and caught Stiles smiling at her.

“Derek, this is Danny. He figured out the whole werewolf thing. On his own,” Scott said. Danny smiled with the dimples boring holes into his cheeks, he looked proud of himself.

“And why is he here exactly?”

“We need him, Derek,” Scott’s stern voice rang throughout the loft. “He’s smart and sometimes we need smart people to help us figure things out instead of plunging headfirst into attack.”

“We have Stiles and Lydia for that.” Lydia looked at Stiles, he was grinning.

“Aw, you think I’m smart?” Fake-shock lingered in his voice. “That’s so nice of you to say, Derek.” Derek responded with a glare so intense that the windows might have broken if he’d been staring at those, thankfully Stiles was a little more resilient and sturdy to his stare, Stiles simply smiled.

“Danny’s here to stay if he wants to. Live with it.” And that was final. Despite not going into full alpha-mode we all knew when to stop arguing with Scott, especially since he became an alpha. Everyone sat down around the coffee table and helped themselves with snacks, Stiles grabbed a bag of chips and started stuffing his face and despite the fact that he had crumbs all around his mouth and attempted to speak with his mouth full, he was still charming for some reason.

“Danny,” said Scott eventually. “If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Okay, I have one. When did it happen? And who turned you? You weren’t born a werewolf.” The last part was a statement, not a question. Danny looked at Scott whose smile was reluctant and timid as if it felt weird to smiling but then again, the memory probably wasn’t particularly nice.

“I thought you said he it figured all out,” Peter said speaking for the first time that night. Lydia would have preferred if he had kept his mouth firmly shut. “And that was two questions, not one.”

“Seriously, can someone kill him again please?” Stiles said when he finally managed to communicate through the chips in his mouth. Malia reached up a hand and brushed a couple of the crumbs away from the corner of his lips – damn, those lips – and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Stiles sent her a wide close-mouthed smile. The knot in Lydia’s stomach tightened and her chest hurt, it was actually painful to watch them interact. Peter didn’t respond to Stiles’ comment but it wasn’t the first time Stiles had made that request so Peter probably didn’t even care.

“Stop it, everyone,” Scott said looking around all of them, his eyes settling on Danny. “I was bitten sophomore year.”

“By who?” Danny asked when Scott didn’t go on.

“By me,” Peter replied with a smug smile on his stupid face. “Interesting story actually. I was all burn…”

“Not now, Peter.” Lydia said. She’d heard the story one time and that one time was enough.

“Oh, come on, it’s a good story.” His smug smile still there on his face. “I was all burned, trying to regain strength then one night I stumbled upon your beloved Scott and bit him. Unfortunately, he refused to obey my orders, become my beta - he already had a pack of weaklings.” Lydia remembered their night in school when Peter had attacked them, she didn’t know it was him at the time but Allison had filled her in. Stiles went full into a long rant of words that weren’t stitched together right so they didn’t make up any real sentences but she heard some bad language every now and then. Allison was not weak; she never was even when she hadn’t believed it herself. She was strong enough to tell Scott the truth, that she loved him but that they couldn’t be together, not right now. She’d called Lydia that night crying because she’d lost him and because she knew she’d done the right thing.

“STOP IT.” Scott’s eyes glowed red, his voice loud and clear making everyone shut up. Danny looked absolutely terrified which wasn’t surprising; he was surrounded by supernatural beings. It had taken a while for Lydia to get used to going under the title “supernatural” but eventually it was just the way it was – the screams however left her voice sore and in a town like Beacon Hills she wasn’t likely to catch a break anytime soon.

“Stiles, shut up.”

“Dude, I’m defending your honor here. He’s bringing up some really traumatic events and it’s freaking me out a little.”

“Did you forget the part where I was the one who was bitten?” With Scott and Stiles bickering back and forth the mood eased a little bit. Lydia smiled at their faces, seeing them smile again after everything that happened with Allison and Aiden and everyone else, it was just nice to see them happy.

“I do remember,” said Stiles. “I also remember that I am your best friend and when your best friend is traumatized and turned into a night creature, I’m like guaranteed some trauma. It’s like second-hand trauma, ask my Dad, it’s a thing.”

“That is not a thing.”

“It’s a thing,” Lydia said. Stiles smiled wide.

“See, I told you so! Lydia always has my back.” Her heart fluttered making Scott, Derek and Peter look at her, she played dumb and pretended she didn’t know why they were staring. She just raised an eyebrow at them and they looked away though Scott’s eyes lingered just a second longer.

“But not quite in the sense you’re referring to. It happens in situations where doctors don’t have the proper skills to provide care and they’re affected by the patient’s trauma. The reading material is quite interesting, I was bored one night.” She wasn’t really bored, she was devastated – she read it after she got home from Allison’s funeral, after she had talked to Stiles on the phone for hours and eventually had stopped crying. She’d lost too many people and now she was losing Stiles.

\---------- 

The pack meeting ended about an hour later. Danny had asked all of his questions, gotten his answers and had decided to participate from now on. Derek wasn’t happy about it but he wasn’t happy about anything so it wasn’t a big surprise. Malia had coyote practice with Scott afterwards so she caught a ride with him, Kira and Danny – why coyote practice always happened at night, she had no idea but it meant that she would be alone in the car with Stiles.

“That was an intense meeting,” said Lydia in an effort to make conversation.

“I don’t even get the point of Peter,” Stiles said as this walked down the sidewalk towards the jeep. “And the way he brought up Winter Formal, that is just wrong. He hit my head against the hood of his car but he threatened to kill you and having to leave you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but I did it to protect you. I did it to save you.” Stiles was talking with his hands and his mouth was moving incredibly fast in a way that only his mouth could. Lydia put her hand on his arm to calm him down, she was speechless really which didn’t happen often.

“I know,” she whispered and leaned her head on his shoulder for a second as they walked. She looked up at him and saw his smile and smiled herself. She took her head off his shoulder and let go of his arm – Malia could come down to the street at any moment and Lydia didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.

“Good.” He smiled again. “That’s good, I wouldn’t want you to be mad at me.” They climbed into his jeep as he said it. Once they were inside, Lydia looked at him for a while as he put on his seatbelt and started the car.

“I could never be mad at you,” she said. Stiles laughed and started driving.

“Oh, but you could. And you do.”

“I get frustrated, not angry. You can be very frustrating.” He laughed again. The remaining drive was fairly quiet, only the dull sound of the jeep’s semi-broken car radio and his occasional terrible singing along which made Lydia smile. This was what it was supposed to be like between them – easy, comfortable with laughs, smile and all their quirks. Just the two of them together but right now, that was wishful thinking.


	3. Hanging In The Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia’s insomnia is getting worse by the day when she finally decides to take Stiles up on his offer to call him if she needs anything - and what she needs right now is his soothing voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY MOONDAY! Remember that you can follow me on tumblr (stydiaokaybye) for previews, snippets and general news on this fic. I track the tag 'ayqr' so if you make posts about the fic, tag it with that and I'll be able to see it :-)  
> I'm sorry this took so long to upload, I had a lot of trouble cracking the chapter but please enjoy anyway!

Lydia spent half the night tossing and turning in her bed unable to sleep. It had been a problem since the loss of her best friend and Aiden, nothing she ever did seemed to work and it was getting to the point of ridiculousness. She was desperate for sleep; she didn’t know how long she could keep going without it.

After staring at her ceiling for several hours debating whether or not to actually pick up the phone and call him, she decided to just do it. Despite the fact that it was three in the morning Stiles sounded wide awake when he answered.

“It’s Lydia,” she said quietly.

“I know,” he said, she could practically hear the smile. “I have caller ID.”

“Right.” She didn’t know what else to say or why she’d called him in the first place. She just wanted to hear his soothing voice because that’s exactly what it was, soothing. His voice, even just simple words like the six he’d just muttered into her ear over the phone, drowned out all the noise, all the thoughts, all the static and somehow, all the pain.

“Lydia, are you okay?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay? You never call me in the middle of the night. Not that I mind at all, I’ve told you a million times that you could but you never do so I just wanted to know if you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…” She hesitated. “No, I’m not, not really.” Tears welled up in her eyes as everything overwhelmed her at once. The pain of Allison’s death that she’d tried so desperately to choke down, the way it was killing her to keep her mother out of the loop and had to put on strong face to show that she was okay because she didn’t want her mom to worry about her, the pain of watching the guy she was in love with be with someone else.

“I’ll be there in ten,” he said. She heard him get out of bed and start to scramble around in his room.

“No, stay Stiles, it’s fine. I don’t know why I called you, I’m just a little sleep deprived - it’s nothing to worry about. Go back to bed.”

“Lydia,” he said slowly, making her skin tingle. “You’re not just a little sleep deprived, okay? You’re crying, I can hear you and I was awake anyway so I’m coming over whether you like it or not. I’ll be there in ten.” But he didn’t hang up the phone like she’d expected, he stayed on it while he got dressed, then he hung up so he could drive but kept promising her that it would only take ten minutes. Lydia rose from her bed and looked at herself in the mirror – her hair was pulled into a messy bun, she wasn’t wearing makeup (obviously, it’s bad for your skin) and she was wearing one of her father’s old t-shirts because despite how much she’d deny it if you asked her, she did miss her dad and the divorce had been hard on her. She didn’t care that Stiles was going to see her like that, it was the way she naturally looked and Stiles didn’t give a rat’s ass about the makeup and clothes – at least he’d never expressed that he cared about it. She also thanked the universe that her mother was out of town on business so she didn’t have to sneak Stiles into the house though if her mom had been home, he would have probably climbed up to her window and gone in that way – it was Stiles, after all.

Seven minutes after Stiles left, he was at her door.

“Exactly how many speed limits did you break?” She asked him when she opened the door. Lydia stepped aside, he flashed her a goofy grin as he passed her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She closed the door behind them and followed him up the stairs to her bedroom – he’d thrown himself onto the queen-sized bed on the opposite side of which she was sleeping. Lydia closed the bedroom door and sat down next to him, she wasn’t crying anymore but her eyes felt heavy though not sleepy.

“Lay it on me.”

“Lay what on you?” Lydia looked at the boy beside her. He was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt and his limps were just sprawled across her bed. A faint smile curled around her lips – he’d sat on her bed a fair amount of times but this felt different somehow.

“Your troubles, your tears, your pain, your heart…”

“Stiles,” she said sending him a glare that said ‘seriously’, he replied with a faint smile.

“Sorry. How long has this insomnia thing been going on?”

“A couple of months.”

“Ever since…” She nodded.

“Since Allison and Aiden.” Stiles looked away and didn’t talk for what felt like forever. Lydia wanted him to talk so badly, his voice was soothing and it drowned out all the noises she heard, all the voices and over the last month or so the faint buzzing that she heard when Stiles was around had begun to fade – now it was almost inaudible even though she’d never figured out exactly what the buzzing meant.

“How do you do it?” Lydia furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him. His face was still turned away as he spoke as if he was afraid of her reaction and what she would say.

“Do what?” He finally looked at her. His beautiful amber eyes were glassy as if he was about to cry himself.

“Look at me after the Nogitsune? How do any of you do it without feeling revolted? I stabbed Scott, knocked Kira to the floor a number of times, it was my fault Coach was shot with an arrow, one of my father’s deputies died in the explosion at the station, the Nogitsune made it look like I had the same thing that killed my mother to torture my Dad, I kidnapped you and killed Allison and Aiden. How do any of you even look me?” Lydia was shocked. She knew he felt guilty about everything that happened but she had no idea just how much he blamed himself or just how much time he spent thinking about it. He was lying on her bed with glossy eyes asking her how she could even look at him. She wanted to tell him that the moment she realized the Nogitsune had possessed him was the moment she realized just how much she cared for him and how important he was to her but she didn’t.

“You weren’t the Nogitsune.” Stiles sat up fast, his flailing arm hitting her bare thigh as he did.

“What are you talking about? Of course I was.”

“Sure, you were in there but it didn’t look like you or act like you. I know you when I see you and that wasn’t you.” Stiles looked to be thinking for a minute.

“I fought back.” Lydia snapped her head towards him and turned so she was facing him completely.

“What?”

 “When I was possessed, I could still think and feel. I was aware of what was happening, Lydia but I fought back because I didn’t want to carry that guilt around with me and now here I am. Two people are dead and you guys look at me like I had nothing to do with it.”

“Because you didn’t!” Lydia stood up and tucked at a loose strand of hair for a second in frustration. “You didn’t have anything to do with it. The Nogitsune was calm and collected, all of its movements were still and calculated and it was manipulative. Its eyes were cold and uncaring and when it smiled, it wasn’t careless, Stiles, it was taunting. We can all look at you and talk to you because we all knew that whatever that thing did, it wasn’t you and a part of me knew you had to be fighting back because I know you well enough to be perfectly aware that you wouldn’t want thing to happen to Scott or Derek…” Stiles lifted and eyebrow. “Yes Derek, you can deny it all you want but I know you care. I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to anyone but something was controlling your body. Those were not your choices and they never will be.”

“But I let the Nogitsune re-possess me at Eichen House.”

“You did that to save Malia,” Lydia said swallowing hard. “That makes you the good guy Stiles because you’d rather see yourself get hurt than anyone else – which is heroic and frankly just plain stupid because what makes you think we could go on without you?” She avoided saying _I_ even though that was exactly what she meant, how was she supposed to go on without him – her friend who’d always been there for her even when she didn’t see him or didn’t want to see him.

“I was supposed to cheer _you_ up, you know,” he said as the hint of goofy smile started to form around his lips. Lydia sent him a smile back and sat back down next to him on the bed, she shrugged her shoulders slightly.

“Apparently both of us could use a little cheering up. How long has your insomnia been going on?”

“How’d you know about…” he stopped himself midsentence. “I’ve barely slept since we sacrificed ourselves to find our parents and when I do manage to sleep I have nightmares.”

“Me too. Usually you’re there,” she said, a blush forming on her cheekbones. Stiles watched her face for a second before she started to explain herself. “You pull me back, kind of. Try to convince me that it’s okay, you’re there, she’s not going to die but then she does and you just hold me.” Once again, Lydia mentally slapped herself for revealing too much. _He’s with Malia, he’s with Malia_ , she reminded herself over and over again in her head. The buzzing increased in volume.

“You have nightmares about Allison?” She was glad he didn’t lodge onto the part where he was a part of those dreams as both the villain making her believe Allison isn’t going to die breaking her heart when she does but that he’s also the hero holding her and making her feel safe.

“More often than not,” she said as she lowered her gaze. “I see her every time I close my eyes, she’s always there. There was nothing I could do to save her, I didn’t scream until after. I couldn’t do anything. I was useless and while she was dying in Scott’s arms, I was with…”

“Me.” The way he said it wasn’t accusatory or blaming, he stated it with regret in his voice, that beautiful soothing voice of his.

“You.” She breathed in and lay down on the bed, still facing him. “You mean just as much to me as she did and you were dying too. I’m glad I was with you Stiles but it still doesn’t change that fact that she died and I wasn’t there to save her.” Stiles lay down too and took Lydia’s hand for just a minute and the buzzing became so loud that she had to fight not react to it. As soon as he let go, the buzzing faded to almost nothing.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t save her,” he whispered, his amber eyes resting on the features of her face. “I miss her too.” Lydia crawled under her covers and closed her eyes.

“Stay.” Her voice was nothing but a whisper as she slowly began to drift off but not without hearing Stiles whisper back: “Okay.” And that small word meant that for the first time in a very long time, she slept the rest of the night – dreamless.


	4. It Used To Be You And Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was supposed to be a good day where Stiles solely focused on Lydia takes a drastic turn as she learns what appears to be the truth about the emotional tether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T POSTED IN TWO MONTHS. I've been so busy as I just started my last year of college and I just had a lot of trouble figuring out this chapter and it did become a bit different than I initially intended.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter four and I'll try to post another one was soon as possible.

Lydia was awoken by daylight streaming through her window. Her eyes opened slowly and she found herself looking at the face belonging to Stiles Stilinski incredibly up-close. She smiled to herself and got up from her bed to start to get ready for school, since Stiles was here already they could just leave whenever both of them were ready.

As she was looking through her closet to find something to wear, Stiles started stirring on the bed and she turned around to greet him a good morning but couldn’t help but let out a snort of a laugh. His hair was pointing in every direction; his t-shirt was twisted halfway around his body, one of the legs of his pants had crawled up to his knee exposing his calf.

“I think you should go to school like that, definitely.” Stiles’ eyes grew wide as he flailed his way to the full-length mirror leaning against a wall. He groaned at the first glance in the mirror. He adjusted his t-shirt, pulled his legs of his pants down, put the hoodie he was wearing back in place on his shoulder and tried to maintain his hair.

“Relax Stiles, your hair looks fine. Besides since when did you start doing anything to it? I thought you just kind left it the way it was.”

“I don’t. I’m trying to make the creatures trying to kill us stay away from Beacon Hills not attract them by putting a supernatural antenna on the top of my head,” he said pointing to a strand of hair pointing straight into the air. He tried to put it down but whatever he did, it didn’t work – the antenna went back up relentlessly. She chuckled and dug around the bottom of her closet until she located an old cap she knew she had lying around somewhere.

“Here,” she tossed it at him. “Put this on.” He caught it.

“No way. I haven’t worn a cap in like two years.”

“Well, it’s either that or the antenna but hey,” she snatched the cap back from him. “Your choice.”

“No, wait, wait, wait,” he snatched it back once again. “I’ll wear it. I don’t want more people dead because of me.” The look on Stiles’ face turned from playful to guilt-stricken and where he was usually the one to comfort her, she decided to do something different. She embraced him as to comfort him just like he always did for he. The embrace felt awkward but eventually Stiles tightened his grip slightly around Lydia and melted into the hug. It was short and sincere.

“We’re gonna be okay,” she said and let go. “We always end up okay, lord knows how we do it.” With that Stiles turned back around to face the mirror and put the cap on backwards like a little schoolboy and that was exactly how he looked.

“I look ridiculous.”

“You look fine, now get out of my room and let me change.”

\-----

“You’re wearing a cap. And sweatpants.” It was Kira who noticed first.

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Stiles replied taking his book for English out of the locker.

“You never wear caps. Or sweatpants.”

“I wear sweatpants at practice,” Stiles noted.

“He’s got a supernatural antenna on his head.” Lydia said with a private smile that Stiles returned.

“What?” Kira asked confused by their inside joke. Lydia just shook her head to let her know that it wasn’t anything important. Malia hadn’t showed up at school yet and Lydia sensed that Stiles was getting anxious about it so as they walked to English class together Lydia dropped back a little to get some distance. Stiles loved Malia, she knew it but for a night she’d allowed herself to forget – she’d allowed herself to imagine that he was still completely devoted to her and still only saw her and wanted to be with her but it wasn’t the case. Scott fell behind with her.

“He stayed over at your place, didn’t he?” Scott asked. It wasn’t accusatory in any way or judging, he was just asking as a curious friend. There was a bit of tease in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Lydia said at last. “He did. Insomnia.”

“I know he’s with Malia…” She didn’t let Scott finish.

“And he loves her,” she added sternly. She had a feeling what he wanted to say and she did not want to hear it.

“He does.” Scott hesitated for a moment. “And yet, he’s willing to drop everything and go see you because you need him.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be calling him if Allison were still here but she’s not.” Scott grew quiet and though Lydia knew it’d probably been the worst possible thing she could have said, she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. She missed Allison so much it physically hurt to think about her and too look at the picture located on her dresser back home. She wished she could talk to Allison about Stiles, she would know how she was supposed to do. Lydia blinked away the tears in her eyes, crying was the last thing she wanted to be doing in class. As it turned out Malia was already sitting at her desk in the classroom towards the front, Lydia murmured a quick hello and sat down next to Scott towards the back of the classroom as Stiles took his seat closer to the blackboard next to Malia. As class began, Lydia could not focus on the words coming out of their teacher’s mouth, all she could think about was the conversation she’d had with Allison in her car on the evening she found out Allison was still seeing Scott.

“ _Remember what it feels like. All of those times at school when you see him standing down the hall and you cannot breathe until you’re with him. Or those times in class when you can’t stop looking at the clock because you know he’s standing right out there waiting for you. Don’t you remember what that’s like?_ ” She’d said and looked at Lydia for desperate understanding that Lydia couldn’t give her. _I didn’t, Allison, but I do now. Now I do_ , Lydia silently answered as she looked at Stiles. The buzzing was nothing but a faint background noise as she looked at his broad shoulder bent over his desk, taking notes – she didn’t know what the buzzing meant or why it increased as soon as he was around. She didn’t know anything, didn’t know how to control her ability or if the buzzing had anything to do with the Banshee part of her at all. She hated the uncertainty – all she wanted was some sort of control or to just not be a Banshee at all.

\-----

That same evening was the pack meeting at the loft. Lydia had told Stiles that she would be driving herself and therefore arrived at the loft earlier than the rest of the pack. Lydia pushed the sliding door aside and stepped in, Derek came out from the bathroom and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re early,” he said dryly.

“Yeah,” she hesitated. “I wanted to ask you something.” Derek looked surprised but gestured for her to sit down on the soggy couch, she did and he took his seat in the chair opposite her. For a long time she didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure how to ask or which words to use and right when she opened her mouth to finally say something – Derek beat her to it.

“You’re unsure of your abilities?”

“Well, kind of but that’s not it. Kind of, sorry.” Lydia closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “There’s this sort of buzzing when I’m around St…” she stopped herself before she revealed too much. “Certain people. It used to be really loud all the time but recently it’s been nearly quiet except when these people are close to me. I was just wondering if that has anything to do with the Banshee thing or if I’m imagining it.” Derek thought about it for a minute.

“Whatever you’re feeling or hearing, I don’t think it’s ever something you imagine. Not with what you are. The buzzing though,” now it was Derek’s time to hesitate. Just for a moment. “The feeling that comes with it, good or bad?” Lydia considered it for a while. When she barely heard it, she felt miserable and anxious like the whole world was going to fall down around her but when she heard it, she was comfortable and she felt safe – when it was there she felt like she was home.

“Both. It depends on whether I can hear it or not.”

“With ‘certain people’ do you mean Stiles?” Lydia was taken aback. Her heart started racing and when she started to deny it, Derek stopped her and just looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Fine,” she admitted. “What gave it away?” To Lydia’s surprise Derek smiled. Had she ever seen him smile?

“I noticed your heartbeat going faster at a pack meeting a couple of weeks back - right when Stiles said you always had his back. I think the buzzing you hear is the emotional tether that formed between the two of you when Stiles sacrificed himself. Deaton didn’t make you go with Stiles for nothing, he saw the connection long before either of you did – Deaton knew you’d be able to pull him back and you did. I think you hear the buzzing because you’re a banshee, it’s the connection that buzzes.” Pieces started to fall into place and make sense.

“So when the buzzing is barely audible it’s because…?”

“I’m guessing it has something to do with Malia. He’s made a connection with her now so every time she’s around or he’s away from you, the buzzing starts to fade because he’s letting go. I’m speculating so don’t take it all too seriously.”

“No, it makes sense.” _It just hurts_ , she thought. He was making a connection to someone else, he was letting her go and the tether between them was fading. The realization came like a blow right in solar plexus, Lydia couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want him to move on, she wanted him to be in love with her – she wanted him to stay and she wanted to tell him that she loved him too. Because she did, it wasn’t just a crush anymore. She wanted to be with him, she wanted his hands to stroke her cheek and she wanted him to kiss her gently and desperately like he wanted to be as close to her as humanly possible. She wanted him - all that he once was, all he was now and who he would eventually become. And just as she started to get her breathing under control Stiles and Malia entered the loft hand in hand, laughing at something unbeknownst to her. Lydia looked at them once and she wanted to sink into a hole in the ground – the pain was unbelievable and the buzzing was quiet, as if it wasn’t there at all. She could feel Derek’s eyes on her, observing her every move, trying to figure out every single thought.

“Lydia,” said Stiles. “How long have you been here?” Lydia looked up at him and found a concerned look in those amber eyes of his and for a second the buzzing became louder but it quickly faded again.

“Just got here two minutes ago,” she lied. She saw Derek raise an eyebrow in the corner of her at the lie but didn’t say anything. He shouldn’t judge her – he never talked about his feelings either.

“Oh okay,” he said and led himself and Malia to sit on the couch next to her. All Lydia wanted was to stand up and run away from here. She didn’t want to be in love with a boy who so clearly loved someone else, it was breaking her heart by the second and Scott noticed the minute he stepped through the door with Kira at his side.

“Lydia,” he said. “Can I talk to you for a second? Privately.” Lydia nodded and rose from her place on the couch and followed Scott outside where she broke down as soon as the door closed behind them. Scott embraced in a warm, reassuring hug as she cried into his shoulder. Lydia had not realized just how much she relied on Stiles until he wasn’t hers to rely on.

“He loves her,” she sobbed and cursed herself for breaking down over some boy. It shouldn’t matter this much but Stiles wasn’t just any boy, he was the one who’d always been there for her, always believed her when she came with crazy predictions due to her ability. He was just Stiles, the boy who snuck up on her and made her love him when she least wanted to.

“I know he does,” Scott finally said. “But he loves you more – he just doesn’t see it right now.” Lydia didn’t know how Scott continued to hope when everyone she’d lost hope herself. That’s who Scott was, she guessed. Hopeful. And as she stood there, in Scott’s arms as he comforted her, although her entire world had just seemingly fallen apart she allowed herself to hope. If she could have nothing else, she wanted to hold on to hope.


	5. A Drastic Turn Of Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a desperate attempt to save a freshman's life Scott bites Liam Dunbar. He calls Lydia and Stiles to help him explain what's going to a frightened 15-year-old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My take on 4x03 just because I really wanted Liam to join the cast of this fic and I really wanted something that was lighter and dialogue-oriented. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Remember to find me on tumblr at stydiaokaybye where you should feel free to send me prompts.

“YOU DID WHAT?” Stiles yelled at Scott who looked as guilty as ever. The hospital in Beacon Hills had once again been under attack and this time Melissa McCall had gotten hurt but she’d still sent her werewolf son off to chase the bad guy and that’s when a drastic turn of events occurred.

"I didn’t mean to do it,” Scott said as he starched the back of his neck.

"Do you remember that really intimidating letter you received from the Calaveras? You know that family of hunters that threatened to fry your ass if you ever made a wolf of your own.” In order to save a freshman’s life Scott had bitten him without thinking it through – if the bite didn’t kill him, he would become a werewolf and if he turned, the Calaveras would be on to them in no time. It was rare that a disaster came alone in Beacon Hills. Before Stiles could continue his frustrated yelling, Lydia stepped in.

“Where is he now?” When Scott didn’t answer Stiles’ eyes widened.

“Please tell me for the love of God that you did not just leave the guy after you bit him!”

“I didn’t!” Scott looked desperate.

“So where is he?” Lydia asked again trying to stay patient. Scott pointed his thumb up the stairs.

“In my room,” Scott cleared up. “I said I’d explain it to him.”

“And you needed others to help you convince him,” Lydia stated matter-of-factly. Scott nodded and after Stiles sighed loudly at the stupidity and impulsivity of his best friend, they headed upstairs. In Scott’s bedroom, a freshman sat on his bed with a bandage wrapped around his wrist where Scott had bitten him. His eyes shifted uneasily between the three older kids in the room but was especially reluctant when they drifted towards Scott which was understandable, he’d only just bit him a couple of hours ago.

"That should be healing by now,” Scott said pointing to the bandage.

“Really? That’s your opener? He could die."

“DIE?” The freshman interjected. What was his name again?

"Stiles.” He looked at Lydia. “Stop it.”

"You turn or you die, Lydia, we don’t know which one’s happening here.”

“Guys,” Scott snapped. “Try taking the bandage off, Liam.” Ah, so his name was Liam. Liam hesitated for a minute but then began unwrapping the bandage only to reveal a slow but still unnaturally fast healing bite on thee freshman’s wrist. Stiles ran his hands through his dark hair and spun around himself in frustration.

“He’s turning,” Stiles stated. “He’s gonna turn and as soon as the word spreads all the way to freaking Mexico, we’re gonna have hunters on our asses. This is like you being bit all over again.” Lydia could not believe she heard what came out of his mouth.

"Stiles," she said sternly. "A word." He looked at her confused for a minute but still followed her into the hallway and he closed Scott's bedroom door behind him so they could have some privacy.

"What is it?" His voice is concerned laced with slight annoyance. Ever since Lydia had found out that the emotional tether between them was slowly fading because of his connection with Malia, she found it hard to even be around him. She did her best to avoid him by taking her own car to school and pack meetings, she didn't go to lacrosse practice and when he texted her, her replies were as short as possible.

"You're being really insensitive to this kid. He's frightened and he's about to be told that he's turning into a werewolf. You're not helping the situation by mentioning the hunters or the possibility that he might die." Stiles was about to snap something in response but Lydia beat him to it. "And besides, you just completely diminished what Scott went through - made it sound like it was no big deal." At the sound of his best friend's name, Stiles' before so defensive expression turned soft and guilty. Guilt. That's what most of Stiles' expression was defined by lately. Stiles stared at his hands for a while without saying a single word but Lydia could practically see the thoughts rush around inside his brain. Finally, he looked up and met her eyes. Amber on green.

"He went through hell." Lydia nodded.

"He did," she stated softly. "And now Liam is going to go through the exact same thing and he's going to need you as much as he needs Scott. He's going to need someone who knows about anchors, and someone who can keep him grounded on the lacrosse field when he's about to lose it. So just try to be a bit more considerate - you guys are complete strangers to Liam, he only knows you from lacrosse so not a lot. He has to trust the two of you with his life now." Stiles looked at her in complete and utter awe.

"Inside that cold, lifeless exterior thing I've got going on there _is_ an actual human soul." She quoted Stiles from the night of the Winter Formal when they'd gone together. He smiled at the memory and it was a good one despite the events that followed, she'd felt special and happy that someone finally saw her what she was - intelligent beyond belief.

"I can't believe you remember that."

"I don't remember much from that night but I do remember that."

"Peter's an idiot. I don't know why Scott even tolerates him."

"SUPERNATURAL HEARING, STILES," Scott yelled.

"Sorry," Stiles said as they stumbled into the bedroom. "But he is an idiot. Not you." Stiles said quickly when Liam looked offended.

"So," Lydia started with hesitation. "Did you tell him?"

"That he's supposedly a werewolf, like those even exist." Stiles opened his mouth to say something but a stern look from Lydia made him shut his mouth and stay quiet, Scott would handle it.

"They do," Scott stated patiently. "Alphas, Betas, Omegas. The leader, the follower and the lone wolf. Usually, I never really followed anyone when I was a beta or an omega - I'm not even sure. I didn't have a pack until recently."

"Okay," Liam finally said. "Show me." Scott looked from Liam to Stiles and Lydia. She nodded her head slowly to let him know that they were okay with it. Liam had been bitten and was turning, it would be even more terrifying if he turned and had no idea what was happening to him. So Scott closed his eyes and concentrated on not turning into a full wolf but only make his eyes glow and claws show. When he opened his eyes again the brown irises had turned into a bright red and his hands had claws instead of short fingernails. Liam's expression went from unamused and bored into absolute terror and disbelief. When Scott turned back to normal shortly after Liam stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of the three older kids, looking petrified and Lydia was starting to fear that he might be going into actual shock.

"And because you bit me," Liam's speech was hasty almost impossible to understand. "I'mgonnahaveredglowingeyesandclawsandfangsand..."

"Well no," said Scott. "Your eyes won't turn red but a bright yellowy color - if you ever kill an innocent your eyes will turn cold blue. Red eyes are for alphas only."

"I'M GONNA KILL SOMEONE?" Scott scratched the back of his neck - he was uneasy.

"Hate to break it to you Scotty but now I think _you're_ not helping." Stiles said and gave Scott a pad on his shoulder. Liam was still wandering back and forth.

"Liam." Lydia stepped forward and put a hand on the young boy's arm. He stopped in his tracks and looked straight at her with a pair of big blue innocent eyes. "What Scott was trying to say is that there are different reasons for the color that a werewolf's eyes take. Scott's are red because he's an alpha, our friend Derek's eyes are blue because he once killed an innocent. Werewolves are predators, they don't have to be killers." Liam processed the words Lydia had told him for several minutes before he spoke again - his eyes were curious and still somewhat alarmed.

"Are you guys werewolves too?" Stiles snorted behind them.

"No," Stiles finally said. "Lydia's a Banshee." Liam turned into a giant question mark, figuratively speaking.

"I predict death by screaming, there aren't many like me out there. We also go under the name Wailing Woman." Liam nodded slowly processing all the information being given to him right this moment.

"What about you?" Liam asked gesturing towards Stiles. "What are you?" Stiles staying quiet for a long time. None of them dared say anything, they wanted Stiles to tell him about the Nogitsune if he was ready to not because he felt like he had to. He sucked in a deep breath and sighed.

"For a while I was possessed by an evil Japanese spirit."

"How about now? What are you now?"

"Better. Myself, kind of. Human." Lydia knew he couldn't talk about it, at least not right now so he went for the easiest answer he could think of.

"I know this is a lot to take in right now. I was overwhelmed too when I was told about the supernatural things going on like Scott being a werewolf and my best friend being a werewolf hunter and it's only gotten more confusing since then. We've got Kanimas, Demon wolves, Darachs, Kitsunes, Were-coyotes and other things. It's hard to keep up but I promise it gets easier and eventually, even though it feels hopeless it's not as bad as it used to be because you have people around you who know and understand. Okay?" Liam nodded and seemed to be calming down a little bit when suddenly a thought hit Lydia like a ton of bricks and she turned around to face Scott and Stiles.

"He's turning," she stated matter-of-factly. The two boys furrowed their brows in confusion, they had already established this.

"Yeah," said Stiles. "Point?"

"It's a full moon tomorrow and Liam is _turning,_ " Lydia emphasized. "He's not going to have a couple of weeks to learn the basics, it's a full moon tomorrow and as he was just bitten, he's going to feel the full effect of the bite tomorrow and that's not going to be easy. You might need restraints like you did with Malia and yourself for that matter."

"What are you guys talking about?" Liam demanded. Scott stepped towards him.

"Tomorrow's a full moon. You know the stories about werewolves and full moons?" Liam nodded. "Well, if we're in complete control, we don't necessarily turn but since you were just bitten, sorry about that, I won't have time to teach you properly but what I can tell you is to find an anchor - it can be a person, a thing, a feeling. Anything really. Anything to keep you grounded."

"And what if I can't find an anchor?"

"Then you turn, you won't be able to control it and who knows what you might do then? Chances are you won't remember. I was chained up on my first full moon and still escaped."

"Dude," Stiles started. "You were not chained up, I handcuffed you to a radiator and you broke my Dad's best pair of handcuffs. Seriously."

"Point is," Scott said ignoring Stiles' comment. "It's not going to be easy but we are going to help you out as best as we can. Okay?" Liam nodded slowly.

 _Oh shit_ , Lydia, who never sweared in her life, thought to herself and she realized the difficult task that was ahead but she was determined to help Liam gain control. Stiles must've sensed her uneasiness because he put a hand on her lower arm and sent her a reassuring smile. The buzzing of the tether between them screamed.


	6. Every Picture Tells a Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's early morning, Lydia only got one hour of sleep and can't be held accountable for any of the words that crosses her lips. Except maybe they're more useful than she realizes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been terrible with updating, I know, college is getting in the way of my writing. I'm sorry.
> 
> If you ever feel like chatting about this fic or any of my other ones or just talk in general you can always find me over on tumblr where I'm stydiaokaybye :)

The full moon was nothing short of a disaster. Liam had been completely out of control and the pack had spent the entire night running around after him, trying to help him control the shift and it wasn’t until an hour before sunrise that Scott had managed to get Liam to turn back into his human form. Going to school the following day seemed damn near impossible but Lydia still dragged herself out of bed, got dressed and groggily poured herself a cup of coffee that she brought to her car. It wasn’t until the engine started that she realized; she’d climbed into Stiles’ jeep, not her own car. She was more sleep-deprived than she thought.

“Good morning,” he said with a broad smile.

“You’re cheery,” Lydia observed and took a sip from the coffee cup. “Also, why are you here? I’m driving my own car now.” Stiles backed out of her driveway and started down the road in the direction of the Beacon Hills High School or as Lydia liked the call it the School of All Bad Things. It was always the school or the hospital where bad supernatural things happened and if Lydia could, she would have stayed away from either but it wasn’t possible.

“Well, I thought you could use a ride with the night we’ve had.” Lydia hadn’t seen Stiles all night because he was searching for Liam with Malia as opposed to her. She’d been Scott and Derek the entire time and it was nice to be with two people who knew what she was going through because they didn’t bring it up or ask if she was okay. She appreciated that.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” Lydia had sensed that it wasn’t all he’d wanted to say. They’d grown so close that Lydia had learned when Stiles was holding something back or not telling her the truth. Stiles was quiet for a while so only the sound of the jeep’s engine and some unfamiliar song on the radio broke the silence. Lydia had a feeling she would not like whatever it was he was planning to say. He shifted in his seat.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Lydia’s heart almost stopped beating in her chest.

“I haven’t,” Lydia said looking out the window. It was a cold morning despite the fact that they were in California and seasons practically didn’t exist here.

“Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?” He’d been able to do that since before they were friends – see right through her somehow and while most of the time it was actually kind of nice and usually very helpful when she needed to talk to someone but couldn’t bring herself to say so. Though right now, she cursed him for it, hated him for it even if just for a minute.

“You,” she said trying to deny it. “I haven’t been avoiding you but since you’ve been spending so much time with Malia I’m not surprised that you think I have.” And so the boy who always had a snarky comeback went quiet. Lydia regretted the obvious bitterness in her voice; she prayed to the universe that he didn’t notice the jealousy also laced in the words she hadn’t meant to say.

“She’s my girlfriend, Lydia.” Lydia rolled her eyes as the jeep turned into the parking lot.

“Yeah and I’m your friend. You’re not supposed to choose your girlfriend over your friends, at least not all the time. You insist on picking me up every morning and while it was nice at first because it was our way of coping with everything we’ve lost, now you just rant on and on about Malia. Don’t get me wrong, Malia’s my friend and I like her but it’s a little annoying that when we’re driving together you don’t speak to me but _at_ me.” They stayed in the jeep, the silence so loud that Lydia wanted to scream. A lump had formed in her throat preventing her from saying another word and she wasn’t even sure, she wanted to say anything even if she could. She was waiting for Stiles to say something but he didn’t so she grabbed her bag and got out of the jeep. This was not a conversation she had wanted to have after only an hour of sleep; it was not a conversation she wanted to have ever. The distance between them felt greater as if a crater had opened up in the ground between them making it impossible for them to reach each other. Lydia walked up the stairs to the school and was met with Malia who was quite possibly the last person she wanted to talk to right now.

“Hey Lydia, have you seen St…”

“He’s outside,” she replied and hurried on to the bathroom, which was the biggest cliché in the world but she did it nonetheless. Lydia stood before a sink and looked at herself in the mirror, the dark circles under her eyes were prominent and a clear sign that she had barely slept which really wasn’t all that uncommon. Kira must have seen Lydia go into the bathroom because not even a minute later she was standing next to Lydia asking her if she was okay.

“Oh yeah I’m fine. Just tired,” Lydia lied. It felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and she wanted to cry but didn’t. She held it back. She didn’t want to share any more tears for boys who would eventually forget her. Kira didn’t seem to believe her.

“Did you and Stiles get in a fight?”

“What? No!” Kira raised an eyebrow and Lydia wondered when she had become so much like an open book that everyone could read her and everything she wanted to hide.

“It wasn’t a fight exactly,” Lydia said and walked out of the bathroom with Kira tracing closely behind.

“Then what was it?” Lydia hesitated.

“I said some things I probably shouldn’t have. They were all true but they came out a little more bitter than I intended them to and it was not the kind of conversation I should be having with him at…” Scott came running to them cutting their conversation short.

“They’re fighting in the parking lot!” Kira and Lydia looked at each other and then back at Scott with puzzled expressions.

“Who?” Kira asked clearly confused.

“Malia and Stiles.”

“Not physic…”

“Not with claws and baseball bats from what I can tell but words, like a verbal fight.” _Oh no_ was all Lydia could think. Her conversation with Stiles had sparked a fight between him and Malia. This was not what she wanted. The three of them made their way to a parking lot where Stiles and Malia were definitely having an argument if their gestures were anything to go by but fortunately it wasn’t loud enough for other students to notice or care. Scott rushed to them with Kira and Lydia trailing closely behind but when he fully approached them to break it off, the two girls stayed back so they wouldn’t interfere and Lydia had a feeling that she was not particularly welcome as of right this moment. They spoke in hushed voices and sometimes Lydia wished she had supernatural hearing so she knew what they were talking about.

* 

Whatever Scott said to Stiles and Malia had ended the argument but that didn’t mean that the two of them were talking about and to make matters worse, Lydia couldn’t talk to Stiles about it because now he was obviously ignoring her making no effort to hide it. She tried to speak to him, tried to apologize for what she’d said and that she hadn’t meant to say it but as soon as he saw her approaching, he left. A cliché, Lydia thought to herself every time he did it – this day was full of clichés so far but she refused to give up. So at night after she’d finished her homework, she went to Stiles’ house. It was the sheriff who opened the door and he smiled when he realized it was Lydia’s small frame that stood outside the door in the brisk November wind.

“Lydia!” He greeted with a broad smile that made him look younger and less tired. “Come on inside.” He stepped aside and Lydia gladly entered the warm house.

“I’m glad you stopped by. Stiles is up in his room and he hasn’t been unusually quiet, it’s strange because I usually have to tell him to shut it.” The sheriff’s worry lines became prominent. “Go on up.” Lydia made her way up the stairs but once she stood outside his bedroom door she was too scared to knock. He clearly didn’t want to see her, he’d made that very clear throughout the day but she needed him to know that she was sorry and that she never meant to be the reason he and Malia fought. Her hand shook as she raised it to the door. The moments that passed as she waited for him to answer it and when he finally did, déjà vu hit her like a ton of bricks. She remembered standing outside his door when a boy she barely knew opened the door with a busted lip and a cut across his cheek from being beat up. She remembered standing in front of him with tears in her eyes, tears that were meant for Jackson but looking at him then her heart had broken for him too. He was hurt and when he told her that the beating wasn’t meant to hurt him, she could barely breathe. But when he opened the door now, his face was intact, his hair longer and his body more lean – he’d been practicing lacrosse with Scott more frequently and it had helped his physique.

“Hey,” Lydia almost whispered, afraid to look him in the eyes.

“Hi,” he said, his voice cracking the word.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “About what I said this morning. I don’t want to make this about Allison because that seems unfair to you and to her but in a way it is and I just…” Stiles cut her off.

“Come in,” he said and opened the door wider so she could step into his all too familiar bedroom. In the time since she’d first stood outside his door and this moment, she had grown comfortable in there as they had solved what felt like a million mysteries within his own little world. She looked at the pictures that he had hung on the wall, all jumbled together and smiled when she found herself among the faces that were mostly of himself and Scott. Her heart felt heavy as she looked at the one of Scott, Allison, Stiles and herself and she had to let her gaze pass faster than she’d like to keep the tears at bay but then her eyes landed on a picture of just Stiles and Allison – she reached up and gently pulled the photograph off the wall. Her two best friends side by side, with their arms around each other and big smiles on their faces, captured in bright florescent lights. These were happier days.

“Scott took that photo,” Stiles said suddenly behind her. “I’ve been meaning to take it down.” Lydia spun around, confused.

“What, why?” She looked down at the photo, then back up at Stiles who looked uneasy.

“I don’t like the reminder,” he said. The words were simple but held so much weight that Lydia felt like her legs might give after under her. She waited for him to continue. “Things were simpler back then. We were happy, things were easier – sure Scott was still learning how to control the wolf part of him but it was still simpler. We were shopping for snacks at the gas station when that picture was taken and it just reminds me that I’m never going to see her smile like that again. It reminds me that she wasn’t just Scott’s girlfriend to me but my friend. I loved her, too.” Lydia’s eyes held his for a while without saying anything but then she turned and hung the picture back where she’d found it. She turned back around to face him – he’d sat down on his bed. She remained standing.

“I just wanted to apologize for earlier…”

“You have to nothing to apologize for, Lydia.” She furrowed her brows.

“Of course I do,” she said. “It wasn’t fair, I ambushed you.”

“Well yeah,” he said. “But you were right. I have been choosing Malia, it’s easier to focus on helping her adapt than deal with losing Allison and Aiden, too. It’s funny, though.”

“What’s funny about them dying?” Lydia crossed her arms over her chest.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “It’s funny that our roles have reversed. You ignored me for years..”

“You weren’t on my radar back then,” Lydia argued. Stiles smiled for the first time since they’d been talking.


	7. Winning a Battle, Losing the War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe some things should have been left unsaid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I haven't updated in forever. College is taking up all of my time, even the weekends, and I'm not at the top of my game mentally either so writing hasn't really been a priority. But alas, I hope this chapter is satisfying - enjoy!
> 
> Contact the author: I am stydiaokaybye on tumblr and if you want you can talk to me there :)

Stiles and Lydia got back into the routine they’d sort of established without each other’s knowledge. Stiles went down to the kitchen to make popcorn while Lydia decided on the movie they’d watch - she’d made a pact with herself that she would not force him to watch The Notebook again so she browsed his collection of DVDs and pulled one out of the rack just as Stiles came back.

“Which one did you choose?” He handed her the popcorn and took the movie from her. He furrowed his brows in confusion at her pick but then smiled.

“What?” She asked when he didn’t say anything. He stood and walked to his TV and plugged in the movie.

“Nothing,” he said. “Just surprised that you chose an animated movie let alone something like _How To Train Your Dragon_.” Lydia sat back against the wall with a pillow for support and fluffed one for Stiles, too.

“Well, you and Scott always talk about how good it is and I thought maybe I should broaden my limited taste. Who knows, maybe I’ll like it.” Stiles smirked as he sat down next to her and threw a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“Trust me,” he said through the popcorn. “You’re gonna love it. 10 bucks it’ll have you in tears at one point or another.” 

“Oh, you’re on, Stilinski,” she said and poked his ribs with her fingers which he then grabbed and held in his large but slim hands. He smiled down at her as the movie began.

“Bring it, Martin.”

Stiles didn’t let go of her hand at any point during the movie. He let her squeeze it when something cute happened, he let her bury her head in his arm and shoulder when something bad or scary happened and just like Stiles had predicted, Lydia was left in tears. As the credits rolled she let go of Stiles’ warm hand and only then realized that their fingers had been intertwined the entire time. She wove her fingers out of his and wiped the tears away from her cheek.

“Told you, you’d love it,” he said with a smirk that seemed almost permanently attached to his face this evening. “You owe me 10 bucks.”

“Fine,” she said. “You’ll get it tomorrow.” They fell into mindless conversation about the lacrosse games, the classes that were hard and the ones that weren’t, they talked about how good Scott and Kira were for each other, they talked about their concerns about how Liam would adapt to the pack if he decided he wanted to be a part of it. They avoided talking about Allison and Aiden; they avoided discussing everything that scared them. Mostly. Lydia wanted to tell him about the tether – she wanted to admit that she was scared that it was fading and she didn’t know what to do about it. She interrupted him mid-sentence.

“I have been avoiding you,” she said and the smile on Stiles’ face faded. Stiles glanced at her. She didn’t meet his eyes but she felt his lingering on her as he either waited for her to explain or figure out what to say himself.

      “Why?” The word broke her. It tore her soul into a million little pieces because how on earth was she supposed to explain how much the fading of the tether hurt her. There was no reasonable explanation. She shifted on the bed so that she could look at him properly.

“Do you remember the night you guys sacrificed yourselves to find your parents?” He snorted.

“Vividly.”

“Deaton made us emotional tethers – he knew we had some sort of strong connection that you were perfectly aware of and I was just starting to realize.” Stiles’ jaw dropped, his mouth wide open.

“I, you, what?” He didn’t believe it.

“Since that night I’ve been hearing this buzzing,” she explained. “All the time and it was really annoying at first but then eventually I got used to it. Then some months ago the buzzing started to come and go, whenever you left the room it was barely audible but if you came back it would become really loud again. I asked Derek about it and he thinks it’s the tether that manifests as buzzing.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” she hesitated. “I’m saying that since you started dating Malia, the buzzing has been fading. I barely here it anymore and it’s probably because you’re making a connection to someone else and that’s why I’ve been avoiding you, okay? I lost my best friend and now I’m losing another one so it’s a lot to take and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.” Stiles looked like someone who didn’t know what to say, he seemed shocked and for just a second Lydia considered checking for a pulse but then he ran a hand through his already messy hair and thereby confirming that he was in fact alive and breathing.

“You’re not losing me,” he said it firmly as if to be sure Lydia knew that he was serious.

“But I am,” she said. “I’m acting a bit like a fourteen year old with a crush but I am losing you. Malia is a my friend and so are you which is why I didn’t say anything and besides, I’m really happy that you’ve found someone to be with because you deserve it after everything you’ve been through. It’s just hard for me.”

“Why? Why is it so hard for you to see me be happy?” It was turning into a fight and it was the last thing Lydia wanted. She had come to his house to make up after a fight, not get into another one.

“Because it was supposed to me, okay? I was supposed to be in Malia’s place. You were supposed to want to be with me, hold me, kiss me, and wake up next to me but you’re with her and God, all I want is for you to be happy so I guess it just kills me that you’re not happy with me.” Stiles looked flabbergasted, unable to speak for several minutes. The silence was overwhelming.

“What do you want me to say?” His voice was barely a whisper.

“I don’t know,” she hesitated for a moment, maybe hoping that he’d say something more. “I should go.” Lydia stood and crossed the room to Stiles’ bedroom door where she lingered. She heard him stand so she half turned around only to see Stiles’ confused expression.

“Lydia, I,” he mumbled and fiddled with his hands. She interrupted before he could say more.

“It’s okay,” she said and offered a sad smile. “I know it’s bad timing and I’m sorry I made things weird.” He simply nodded and Lydia took that as her cue to leave so she did and when she got to her car, she cried the whole way home because her heart was hurting and she didn’t know how else to deal with it. When she lost Jackson, she had sworn to herself not to cry over another boy but she back then she hadn’t expected to become so attached to some boy she barely knew who’d been pining for her for years. She didn’t expect him to become an emotional tether, her best friend or a person she wanted to be with but that’s exactly what he’d become. But she wasn’t mad at herself for telling him how she felt about him, she was glad she’d done it, at least he knew and if he stayed with Malia, she’d be okay with it. She’d be hurt but Lydia would be okay because at least she’d had the courage to tell him. And so she smiled through her tears and the bittersweet feeling that came along with them.


	8. About Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What did you want to say?” Scott asked. The question was careful but it stunned Stiles. He stopped again, no longer fidgeting with his hands, he breathed in and out. It felt like a panic attack but he knew it wasn’t – in reality it was him trying to process what he had been asked and what he had desperately wanted to tell Lydia the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been so long since the last update.  
> College got really crazy towards the end but I did it, I graduated college! Phew!  
> I'm relieved and am very much in a writing mood.  
> Enjoy! And happy MOONDAY

It was everything Stiles had ever hoped for, everything he’d ever hoped to hear Lydia say to him but not when he already had a girlfriend. He’d been so overwhelmed by her confession that he hadn’t known what to say. He’d been torn between running after her and telling her that he still loved her but the framed picture of Malia and himself that stood on his desk, stopped him. He didn’t want to break either of their hearts but in the process he had broken his own.

*** 

The deal Stiles had made with himself to not make things awkward between himself and Lydia when he saw her the next day went out the window the minute he saw her walking across the parking lot. He didn’t know if she’d told anyone about what happened but Stiles was so filled with regret and confusion that he felt like he might spontaneously combust, so when he spotted Scott in the hallway by his locker talking to Kira, he went to them.

“I need to talk to you,” Stiles said and gave a Scott a look that indicated it was a private conversation not intended for Kira’s ears. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Kira; Stiles just needed his best friend. Scott nodded and followed Stiles into an empty classroom. Stiles didn’t say anything at first; he just could not make himself repeat the words Lydia had said to him in private, not even to Scott. So he simply paced back and forth and tried to figure out how to tell him and not feel guilty afterwards. Wasn’t there a ‘best-friends-don’t-apply-to-secret-keeping’ rule? Frankly, Stiles didn’t even know if it was a secret.

“So Lydia came over last night,” he began. “It’s not unusual for her to stop by, not anymore anyway, she came to apologize for her some things she’d said in the car on her way to school. We talked about it and it was fine. We watched a movie and then when it was over, she told me that she has feelings for me.” Stiles expected to find Scott’s mouth hanging wide open when he looked at him but it wasn’t, he was grinning.

“Well finally,” he said. “She’s been pining for months. What’d you say?”

“You knew?” Stiles didn’t know if he should be furious that Scott hadn’t told him or surprised he knew – he did have wolf senses after all. Scott fidgeted with his hands, a nervous habit that had stuck since they were kids and had never left.

“Yeah,” he said. “Lydia’s good at hiding her feelings, it’s usually hard to know what she’s thinking but with this, she’s been an open book. I’m surprised you didn’t at least suspect, I mean, you know her better than anyone after all.” An exasperated groan escaped Stiles’ throat as he rubbed both his hands over his face in frustration and like Scott, Stiles started fidgeting with his fingers, only difference was that Stiles paced back and forth while he did it.

“Stiles,” Scott said carefully. “What did you say?”

“Nothing!” Stiles stopped pacing and it looked like he had tears in his eyes. “Scott, it’s all I ever wanted her to say. All I ever wanted was for her to reciprocate but I decided that I couldn’t wait for her anymore and I really liked Malia so I pursued that. Lydia ambushed me. I didn’t know what to say.” Another frustrated groan escaped Stiles’ throat as he picked his mindless pacing back up.

“What did you want to say?” Scott asked. The question was careful but it stunned Stiles. He stopped again, no longer fidgeting with his hands, he breathed in and out. It felt like a panic attack but he knew it wasn’t – in reality it was him trying to process what he had been asked and what he had desperately wanted to tell Lydia the night before.

“I didn’t want to say anything,” Stiles realized. “I wanted to not be with Malia.” As the words crossed his lips, he hated himself for it. He had not realized that he’d be willing to give up Malia if there was a chance he could be with Lydia – the cruelty of the thought hit him full-force in the stomach and took his breath away. Stiles had always known that he wasn’t truly a good person, not all the way through like Scott but this made him see just how terrible of a human being he really was. He wasn’t so much angry with himself as he was disappointed that he would even consider hurting Malia like that, it made his stomach turn knots around itself.

“That’s terrible,” Scott commented.

“You don’t say,” Stiles said his voice dripping with sarcasm. He did not mean for it to come out quite as harsh as it did but he couldn’t take it back. Stiles started pacing and fidgeting with his hands again, Scott’s brows furrowed as he looked at his best friend.

“I think it’s normal,” Scott said after being quiet for about a minute. Stiles looked at him through his eyelashes while still walking back and forth in front of his best friend.

“What’s normal? Nothing about this is normal – I should want to be with my girlfriend, not pine after someone else.” Scott smiled, actually smiled, and put a hand on Stiles’ shoulder forcing him to stop. He could not have continued walking even if he tried to – Scott was too strong.

“Your response is normal, I think,” Scott explained. “You’re conflicted. The girl you’ve been in love with since the third grade finally told you that she felt the same way about you but you’d long since given up hope that it’d ever happen. Lydia’s confession, I guess you could call it, brought up thoughts and feelings you’d put a lid on so you could move on.”

“I love Malia,” Stiles whispered. He knew that if he spoke louder his voice would break and a small distant part of him wished his mom was still alive so he could talk to her about it. She might not know what to do but she would know how to comfort him and make him feel a little less awful about the situation.

“I know,” Scott said. “But you also have feelings for Lydia and until you address those, you’re just going to continue to feel guilty and well, awful.” Stiles nodded and took a few deep breaths to steady his heart rate and make sure he could stand without collapsing.

“You good?”

“I’m good.”

*** 

During the lunch break Stiles caught Lydia in the hallway before she went to the cafeteria. He contemplated running in the opposite direction and simply not confront her about what she’d said the night before but Scott was right. If he didn’t speak with her now, he’d never do it and he would feel guilty for staying quiet so he told himself to just get it over with. He approached her locker. He cleared his throat making Lydia spin around so her hair flew into Stiles mouth. He dragged some of her long strawberry blonde strands off his tongue.

“Sorry about that,” they said at the same time. They both chuckled nervously, Stiles not quite sure how what to say. That seemed to be a common occurrence as of late.

“Look uh,” Stiles began. “I wanted to talk to you about last night.” His heart was pounding at what felt like 500 miles an hour as he anticipated her answer. For all he knew Lydia was furious at him for the way he had handled the situation or she could flat-out refuse to talk to him altogether but when she offered a small smile, Stiles felt hopeful that she wasn’t too upset with him.

“Sure,” she said and closed her locker. “The quad?” Stiles nodded and they headed for the somewhat secluded area behind the school where most students hung around when the weather was good – today was a gloomy day even for California so the quad was more or less empty except for a couple of freshmen in one corner.

“So about last night, I’m really…” Lydia cut him off before he could finish.

“Look Stiles,” she said reluctantly. “I’m not angry. You responded like someone who was caught off guard, which you obviously were, and I don’t blame you for it. I didn’t go to your house intending to tell you that I had feelings for you. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing and I know it was a bad time. You’re with Malia, you love her and when I came home I realized that I hadn’t been fair to you. I’m sorry.” To say Stiles was shocked would be the understatement of the year but he’d thought the same thing the night before when Lydia had said the words ‘I have feelings for you’ to him. He really should not be surprised by anything anymore.

“Look, I realized I might not have handled the whole thing very well. You just caught me completely off guard like you said and I am with Malia and I love her so what you said was really confusing and I’m not making a lot of sense right now, am I?” The laugh he offered was forced and nervous.

“You kind of lost me in the middle there but I think I understand what you’re trying to say.”

“The thing is, Lydia,” he said and took a deep breath. “I have feelings for you. Before I started dating Malia I realized that I couldn’t keep pining for you, I couldn’t wait for you forever no matter how much I wanted to so I put a lid on those feelings. Locked them away and swore I’d never open up that box again. I made the decision to move on and I did with Malia. I love this girl. She’s funny, she’s smart even though she doesn’t often think so herself, I like that she’s impulsive and follows her instincts. She still needs help with some basic things and we’re getting there but I am in love with her. But when I was tossing and turning most of the night and talked to Scott this morning, I came to realize that even though I’d convinced myself those feelings for you were gone and didn’t matter anymore, I was lying to myself. They’re still there and it’s not fair to you that you don’t know about them so yeah, I still have feelings for you but I’m not going to act on them. That’s not fair to Malia and it’s not fair to you.” After the long speech, Stiles heaved for a breath and when he finally had enough air in his lungs to speak properly, he did.

“I hope we can still be friends,” he said. “I’d like for us to still be friends.” Stiles knew the look on her face all too well. It was her cheery smile that was as fake as the day was long and it was the one she used to hide her true feelings. Stiles didn’t have it in him to call her out on it.

“Absolutely,” she said. “Friends.”


	9. All or Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Lydia and Stiles really be friends now that everything is out in the open?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 18 months, I know! Life has been hectic: I have other projects, I finished college, had a sabbatical, started Uni. It's been crazy but there's finally an update and I hope it was worth the wait - let me know!

“If you were here,” Lydia said to the stone that bore her best friend’s name. “You wouldn’t say I was an idiot but you’d think it, and you’d be right. I agreed to be friends with him but what we’re doing now doesn’t feel like friendship – it feels like we’ve stuck a band-aid on something that needed stitches.” Lydia sighed, and brushed away brown leaves from the top of her tombstone under the big oak near the back of the graveyard. It seemed that life carried on too easily without Allison but for Lydia, time had slowed down, and she remembered her best friend when it was most inconvenient but she kept moving forward because that’s what she would have wanted. So Lydia came to where she was buried to talk to her, to keep her memory alive, and sometimes, she could swear that Allison was sitting next to her, listening.

“God, I wish you were here,” she whispered, and put her head in her hands.

“Me too,” a voice all too familiar said behind her. Lydia closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and turned her head to see Stiles standing not far behind her with his hands in his pockets. His hair was disheveled, his amber eyes tired, and a crease at the bridge of his nose. Lydia’s heart would usually beat at unnatural speeds but today, it seemed that her heart was too heavy to react so when Stiles stepped closer, and silently asked if he could take a seat next to her on the ground, she nodded, and let a barely there smile cross her lips before it disappeared again. They sat in silence for a moment, each waiting for the other to speak first, both unsure what to say and where to begin. How were they supposed to be friends when their feelings were out in the open? The thought alone tied knots around Lydia’s vocal cords, and she struggled to keep her breathing even.

“It’s too hard,” she said after long moments of torturous silence. The words came out strangled, and coarse as if someone had sucked all the oxygen out of her lungs, and she was gasping for air. In her peripheral vision, Stiles nodded. The buzz of their tether was like a heartbeat drumming in her ear, the loudest it had been in weeks, and for a second she allowed herself to hope that he was coming back to her – that their emotional tether was coming back. But the hope deflated as quickly as it had risen when she remembered that they were at Allison’s grave, a person who had been significant to both of them, a person whose death had impacted them both, and a person whose death had left a hole in both their chests that would never properly heal, no matter how much time passed.

“I know.” There was something about the way he said the words that Lydia couldn’t quite describe. The words seemed heavy and strained as if he’d put all the effort in the world into them, and even then, they had barely been uttered. Lydia didn’t know why but she reached out, and put her hand on top of Stiles’ – it was cold from the dew on the grass that hadn’t disappeared quite yet despite the rays of sunlight peeking out between the heavy clouds above. It was the most innocent touch but it made Lydia feel connected to Stiles in a way that she hadn’t in a long while, and for reasons unknown, it made tears well up in her eyes that she didn’t have the strength to hold back. She let them fall.

“She would want you to be happy,” Stiles whispered, and wiped a single salty tear from her cheek. The gesture was gentle, and when his fingers left her face, she could still feel the echo of his fingertips on her skin. Her whole body yearned for him; every atom of her being craved his nearness, his touch, his breath, and his steady heartbeat that she knew existed just beyond his ribcage.

“You have to stop,” Lydia pleaded. Stiles’ brows drew together in silent confusion, he started to speak but Lydia stopped him before he said something that would make her take back what she intended to say.

 “I can’t keep pretending what I feel for you isn’t real,” Lydia began. “I can’t pretend that seeing you with Malia isn’t killing me inside, and I don’t know how to be your friend when all I want…” Lydia stopped herself before she said something she’d regret later on. She drew in a deep breath and stood, and as she moved away from the grave and Stiles, she let the tears well over once again hoping that he would stop her but hoping he wouldn’t at the same time.

“Malia broke up with me.” Lydia stopped dead in her tracks. Of all the scenarios she’d imagined in her head, this was not one of them and her breath caught in her throat. Her heart beat a million miles a second if not faster but she didn’t turn – she was afraid to look at him. She heard the leaves rustle as he stood up. She held her breath, no way of knowing of what he was going to do next but instead of something crazy, he simply walked around her frozen frame and stood in front of her. She let the breath go.

“I like her, a lot,” Stiles explained. “We were good together, and she might be a little rough around the edges but she’s not stupid.” Lydia nodded, agreeing. She didn’t dare speak a word afraid her voice might fail her but she could hear their tether growing stronger and a small part of her began to hope.

“She did it for me but mostly for herself.” Lydia furrowed her brow, not sure she understood. “She said you told her that she needed to find herself and figure out who she was. She’d like to do it with the pack’s help not just be attached to one person.” Lydia couldn’t imagine Malia being so articulate about it and as if Stiles had read her mind, he clarified that it was basically his interpretation of the conversation – not that many words had been used.

“What am I supposed to do with that, Stiles?” Lydia asked with an exasperated sigh. “I can’t be with you the minute after you’ve gotten out of a relationship – Malia’s my friend, it’s not fair to her.”

“She basically told me to go get you,” he noted. Lydia raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him.

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

“It’s basically what she meant.”

“I doubt that.” Lydia knew Malia well enough to know that Stiles was her anchor – the person to help her stay human during the full moons. The fact that they broke up didn’t erase that bond and while Stiles could still be there for her, it might be a little awkward.

“Well,” Stiles began. “What do you wanna do?” Lydia stepped around Stiles and headed to her car parked in the lot with a big jeep towering beside it. Stiles fell into to step beside her not long after.

“I want to wait,” Lydia replied. “I want to talk to Malia about it and make sure she’s okay – just because she seemed that way, it doesn’t mean that she’s actually okay. Break-ups are hard.” Lydia arrived at her car and opened the front door but before she climbed inside, she turned slightly and faced Stiles who stood at the rear end. His hands were in his pockets again like when he’d surprised her at Allison’s grave.

“It stopped buzzing,” she stated. Stiles furrowed his brows and it made deep creases appear in his forehead. “When you and Scott and Allison sacrificed yourselves, it created an emotional tether between us and because I’m a banshee, I hear it. It’s a slight buzzing.”

“You never told me.” Lydia shook her head.

“I wasn’t sure what it was with the Nogitsune hanging around.” Stiles grimaced. “But after it disappeared, the buzzing came back full time and it wasn’t annoying or overwhelming, it was just present in the back of my mind and I didn’t really think about it until it almost stopped.”

"It stopped?" He was getting more confused by the minute.

"When you started hanging out with Malia and made a connection with her, our tether started to disappear - I could barely hear it. I don't know if it'll come back as strong as it was before or if it will come back at all but I hope it does." The moment those last words passed her lips, a glimpse of hope appeared in Stiles' amber eyes. Lydia fumbled with her keys waiting for Stiles to say something, anything. He stepped closer and put his forehead against her; she could feel his hot breath on her skin.

"I hope it does, too," he whispered. "Call me later, okay?"

"Okay." Stiles kissed the top of her head and stepped away. He headed for the jeep and not two minutes later, it was gone and Lydia was by herself in the parking lot with the echo of Stiles' lips on her hairline still lingering.


End file.
